Best Practices to Include Siblings in ABA Goals
For most kids, the sibling relationship can be a big ball of emotions. In one moment, siblings are best friends, and then the next, they’re each other’s worst enemies and don’t want to share anything! Now, if that’s not already challenging as it is, imagine adding a child with Autistic Spectrum Disorder (ASD) into the sibling love-hate relationship…. The challenge takes a different turn.
Raising a child with ASD can be challenging for everyone. You have a child who views the world in a completely different way than everyone else, and you, the parent, is doing your very best to keep your child with autism happy. However, in your efforts, it can sometimes put a strain on the sibling relationship, as it appears you’re showing more attention to your child who is on the spectrum than their sibling.
As a parent, you’re not trying to show favoritism, but it appears that way when one child requires more behavioral attention than your non-autistic child(ren). But have no fear. With a few changes to your parenting strategies, you’ll be able to foster a healthy relationship for your child with ASD and their siblings.
Parenting Approaches to Consider
Explain What Autism is to Your Children Without Autism
Your child without autism recognizes the fact that their sibling may not be exactly like them or can’t figure out why their sibling isn’t connecting with them. Whether they’ve already come to that conclusion or you want to address it first, explaining autism to your child is important and will be extremely beneficial.
Of course, you want to gauge where your child’s comprehension level first so that you know how to guide the conversation and how to best explain things. You want to explain that their sibling’s disorder isn’t going away but can get better, in terms they’ll understand. You can give examples or employ euphemisms to help them better understand as well.
Most importantly, when explaining ASD, explain it in a positive light. You definitely don’t want to explain it negatively or even use a negative tone of voice that will make them feel like their sibling’s condition is an affliction. Make the discussion a conversation and invite them to ask you questions anytime.
Let Your Child Know How Important Their Role is to Their Sibling with Autism
Everyone wants to feel wanted and valued, and so do children. In fact, children even want to feel responsible and important, as it’s part of their independence in growing up and when they want attention, but not in the “look what I can do” kind of way. Your child’s need to feel responsible and valued can easily turn into a way for you to encourage them to help with their sibling’s growth and development.
Consider praising your child without autism with phrases like:
- You’re such a great big brother to Carson! He smiles every time he sees you!
- Carson loves storytime with you! You did an excellent job reading!
- Thank you so much for helping me with Carson! You’re the best helper!
After having explained ASD to your child(ren), this approach will be extremely effective because now that they have a better understanding, they know that the things they do are not only helping their sibling with autism but it’s also making them feel good inside as well. It will even be helpful to have them sit in on some of their sibling’s sessions at an ABA therapy center.
Make Sure Your Child Without Autism Spends Time with Their Other Friends
Playing with a sibling that has ASD can sometimes feel like a forced chore or obligation to your child without autism, as there are certain barriers like lack of affection or communication, as well as common interests. That reason alone is why it’s so important to make sure your child without autism has playtime with their own friends as well as playtime with their sibling.
The theory behind this is that when your child gets the enjoyment they desire from their own friends, as far as common interests and social interactions with mutual signs of fun and affection, your child will then have the motivation to interact with their sibling and find enjoyment with them in a different way.
Share One-On-One Time with Your Non-Autistic Child
This is probably one of the most important things you can do with your child without autism, even if it’s for 10 to 30 minutes at different times of the day. They can feel like all your attention is on their sibling and that they’re all you really care about. By spending one-on-one time with them, it will change their mindset, and even reduce the chances of resentment towards you or their sibling.
It doesn’t have to be much, either. A quick trip to get ice cream, binge-watching a couple of movies at home, or a walk around your neighborhood will go a very long way with your child, and they’ll learn to really appreciate those moments of alone time with you the older they get.
Breathe and Take Baby Steps
Remember, all relationships take time to grow. The same can be said about your children and their sibling relationships. Things may start out rocky, but through education about ASD and changing your parenting approaches, you can indeed foster a healthy and nurturing relationship between your children.
There are lots of resources out there to help you on your parenting journey, like autism services in Nashville. Just be sure to give yourself a pat on the back, breathe, and take baby steps.
