What Its Like Being A Nana?

Have you ever wondered what it’s like being a nana (aka grandmother)? Hereunder is a reflection by a woman and her experiences being a nana: 

There’s nothing like spending time with a little child to remind you of why it’s thrilling to be alive. Kids are indiscriminate, nonjudgmental lovers of pretty much everything, and their joy is contagious. Not too long ago, I spent time with 2-year-old Azalia, whose response to Elmo, hot dogs and her white plastic pony was uniformly euphoric. “I LOVE it!” she squealed to each in turn. 

Adults spend a lot of time doing yoga and practicing meditation so as to to feel truly present, while children, whether they’re happy or sad, live in the present moment, here and now. They make superb role models (except when they are throwing temper tantrums), and spending quality time with them provides great training for grandparents. We simply have to be in the here and now if we wish to keep up — and prevent them from eating dog food (my son’s favorite) or running out of the front door.

Being sort of a control freak, at first I believed this to be the bad news. And although it took some time for me to accept that I do not have a say in anything — including where my grandchildren live, which is very far away — not being in charge makes me free. Unlike their parents, I do not have to multitask and work, spend money on bills or do the laundry while trying to spend quality time with the girls as well. And I need not worry so much about whether they go to sleep at night (frequently they don’t) or if they refuse to eat their dinner. (I do worry still, just not so much.)

This is one of those sayings concerning grandparenting, which turns out to be blissfully true. I cherish my visits with the little ones, however I’m a better Nonna — and a happier camper— when I pay due attention to my own limitations. There’s a reason why the majority of people have babies in their 20s and 30s, and not in their 50s and 60s.

Although Isabelle and Azalia are still very young, I can see that they are going to be my window into a future that is unfolding at the speed of light as they grow older — and I do, as well. Already, 5-year-old Isabelle, who goes to bilingual French-English school, is helping me to brush up on my poor French vocabulary and poor high school pronunciation.

Additionally, while being my granddaughters’ living link to one branch of their family tree, I hope to be a good role model for them — of ethical wisdom, emotional intelligence, generosity and kindness, respect for the environment, acceptance of life’s unavoidable imperfections and challenges. Being one step taken away from the front lines of child rearing, we grandparents possess a valuable opportunity to transmit the values we hold dear to ourselves, with less risk of backlash. We also aren’t going to be the target of teenage rebellion — another huge plus point.

I do not really care whether my grandkids get into the Harvard of preschools — or the Harvard of Harvard, for that matter. Yes, I do value education, however more than anything, I want my grandchildren to be happy, healthy and live productive, richly fulfilling lives. The addition of the prefix “grand” to “parenthood” implies fewer expectations and agendas — as well the tensions that frequently go along with all those expectations and agendas.

The lack of weight on my shoulders, as well as judgment, goes both ways. The moment I became a grandmother, it was as if I had become a character in some sort of wacky operetta — I could not stop singing. And unlike my other family members, my grandkids love it when I warble to them, typically off-key. Grandmotherhood provides me a free pass to act like a fool — a great relief from the adult, professional world in which I have to frequently look serious and all business like.

My husband and co-grandparent — aka “G-Daddy”—loves the girls and we take great satisfaction in spending time together with them in real life and on Skype. Our experience is particularly sweet, since G-Daddy and I never had kids of our own, and he did not come into the scene until my son was 10 years old. 

Shortly after becoming a Nonna, my friend, the author and psychologist Mary Pipher, told me that the affection she shares with her grandchildren has taught her about “pure and nearly perfect love.” For all of the reasons mentioned here — and others that keep coming about the longer I see the world through a grandmother’s lens — I second that emotion. 

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