5 Must-have Skills to Master Crucial Conversations

ByCrucial Learning

A crucial conversation has three conditions: high stakes, opposing opinions, and intense emotions. If you’re struggling with some area of your life, you’re having a crucial conversation (or not doing well). When most people encounter this kind of conversation, they naturally have fun and eventually break out when things worsen. Having crucial conversations is a healthy and productive alternative to silence and violence.

Given the importance of crucial conversations, here are five things you should do to make them effective:

  1. Notice when the conversation becomes crucial – When the stakes are high, opinions differ, or emotions are high, most of us close the door or do the opposite and start an adrenaline-fueled argument. What do the masters do? Skilled communicators are aware of the early warning signs of crucial conversations. They perceive messages from their body that they are about to lose their cool, such as a faster heartbeat or a raised voice. With some self-reflection, you can recognize your warning signs and prepare for the best.
  2. Use your best skills – Unfortunately, we often do the worst when it matters most. We sulk, insult, argue, or interrupt to bring out some bad behavior. While they may not appear quickly or naturally, we have other skills better suited for conversation. We can ask, listen, reformulate, take turns, and diagnose. Once you realize that conversations are essential, make conscious choices to activate your best skills.
  3. Call the timeout and re-enter the conversation – When the conversation becomes emotional, the adrenal glands are usually active, pumping blood to the large muscles in preparation for fight or flight. Call timeout when you feel a fight or flight reaction and ask: “Can we take a 10-minute break? I need some personal time. Can we agree that we’ll all be at our best when we come back?”
  4. Be guided by observations and questions, not conclusions and feelings – People often start conversations with judgments, accusations, and feelings, leading them into debates about who is right and wrong. What are you doing then? When do you need to talk about a complex topic, ask yourself a human question: Why would a rational, reasonable, decent person do this? Allow the other person to benefit from the doubt. If you seek understanding behind your actions, you will be able to be more patient and understanding. By using these skills, you can start a conversation in a safe place. Therefore, what follows will lead to a resolution rather than hurt feelings and misunderstandings.
  5. End the conversation happily – It is essential to end your conversation on a good note. You need to memorize and apply the acronym WWWF: Who Does What, When, and Follow up. If you don’t define WWWF, you can’t hold people accountable for the agreed solution. If you do, you can.

These five steps help you when you find yourself in a crucial conversation.

BYLD Group is the Authorized Licensee for Crucial Learning in India.
We focus on improving the world by helping people improve themselves. We offer courses in the areas of communication, performance, and leadership, focusing on behaviors that have a disproportionate impact on outcomes, called crucial skills.